What do you call a bunch of guys downloading movies illegally in the Bahamas?
.
.
.
Pirates of the Caribbean
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Viva Goa
A Goan bloke was watching TV on the morning of January 26th. Flicking through channels, he stopped at Doordarshan, stared at the screen for a moment and then exclaimed,
"Delhi Carnival marey!"
Monks and Emails
Monk to Abbot: "Great Master is it ok for a monk to use email?"
.
.
.
Grand Abbot: "Sure, as long as there are no attachments"Bj Benefits
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.
“Mother, where do babies come from?”
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”
The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.
“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”
“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.
“Mother, where do babies come from?”
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”
The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.
“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”
“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.
Frog Prince
Once upon a time in a land far far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper young prince that I am, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and feel forever grateful doing so.
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frogs legs seasoned in a wine and onion cream sauce she chuckled to herself and thought: I don't fucking think so.
The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper young prince that I am, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and feel forever grateful doing so.
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frogs legs seasoned in a wine and onion cream sauce she chuckled to herself and thought: I don't fucking think so.
Red Bull
In spite of dominating the skies, an eagle wasn't happy with how high he was flying. So he prayed to god for an extra pair of wings.
A week later, God sent him a can of Red Bull. why?
.
.
.
Red Bull. It gives you wings.
A week later, God sent him a can of Red Bull. why?
.
.
.
Red Bull. It gives you wings.
For Car Nuts
An old, overweight Camaro kept winning races, consistently beating lighter, faster competition. The Camaro simply looked into the eyes of its loved one, a shiny blue Corvette in the grandstand, and won 'em all.
On being asked by reporters how he managed to win in spite of the power-to-weight deficit, the Camaro replied quietly, "Love handles."
On being asked by reporters how he managed to win in spite of the power-to-weight deficit, the Camaro replied quietly, "Love handles."
Legalities
Two hairs on a bald man's head fall in love with each other and want to get married, but cannot.
- Why?
.
.
.
Because under Indian laws, "baal vivaah" is illegal.
"Khushboo Gujarat Ki"
Talking Save...
Save Petrol
Mumbai Says
Save Water
Kashmir Says
Save Us
AP Says
Save Telangna
But
.
.
.
Gujarat Says
SEV Gathia,
SEV Mamra,
SEV bundi,
SEV Khaman!
Kobiguru!
If our Union Urban Development Minister were a great photographer, what would Bengalis call him?
Chhobiguru Kamal Nath
.
.
Chhobiguru Kamal Nath
Pregnant Woman in the Wrong Bus
A pregnant lady boards a bus.
Soon, some men sitting next to her start sniggering. So, she moves to another seat; the laughter continues. Irritated, she moves to yet another seat, but then, the whole bus starts laughing. Red-faced, she gets off at the next stop.
A blind man on the bus asks everyone else what just happened. One guy says, "This pregnant lady got on the bus. First, she sat under an advertisement which read "Coming Soon - The unknown boon..."
When we sniggered, she moved to another seat, under a shaving advertisement, which read "Williams stick did the trick".
When the laughing grew worse, she moved a third time, and sat under an advertisement which read "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident."
Soon, some men sitting next to her start sniggering. So, she moves to another seat; the laughter continues. Irritated, she moves to yet another seat, but then, the whole bus starts laughing. Red-faced, she gets off at the next stop.
A blind man on the bus asks everyone else what just happened. One guy says, "This pregnant lady got on the bus. First, she sat under an advertisement which read "Coming Soon - The unknown boon..."
When we sniggered, she moved to another seat, under a shaving advertisement, which read "Williams stick did the trick".
When the laughing grew worse, she moved a third time, and sat under an advertisement which read "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident."
Superman Returns!
How does Superman relax at the end of a long day?
.
.
.
He gets home, takes his undies off and pours himself a drink.
Cannabis Crazy!
Three students are sitting in a room smoking cannabis. After a few spliffs they run out.
One of the men stands up and says, ‘Look, we’ve got loads more tobacco, I’ll just nip into the kitchen and make one of my speciality joints.’ Off he goes into the kitchen where he takes some cumin, turmeric and a couple of other spices from the spice rack, grinds them up and rolls them into a joint. On his return he hands it to one of his smoking partners, who lights it and takes a long drag. Within seconds he passes out.
Ten minutes go by and he’s still out cold, so they decide to take him to the hospital. On arrival he is wheeled into intensive care. The doctor returns to his friends and asks, ‘So what was he doing then? Cannabis?’
‘Well, sort of,’ replies one of the guys, ‘but we ran out of drugs, so I made a home-made spliff.’
‘Oh,’ replies the doctor, ‘so what did you put in it?’
‘Um, a bit of cumin, some turmeric and a couple of other spices.’
The doctor sighs. ‘Well, that explains it.’
‘Why, what’s wrong with him?’ demands one of the students.
The doctor replies, ‘He’s in a korma.’
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)